Lifeguard Sickness

Ever heard of Cabin Fever? Well a similar mental diseas is also common among Surf lifeguards on country beaches in summer. Sitting on a beach for 6 out of seven days per week(then spending the 7th on the beach anyway) in rain, hail or shine tends to destroy the brain. There are many symptoms, including:

1. Gibberish. After about 4 days the lifeguard has said everything he possibly can to his partner and delves into gibberish. Common words are "amergh," "a-fat-a," "poopinyaka," "boodgerigaan."

2. Poetic phrases are common, e.g: "Whay yoo doodat Creg? Yoo bin comin roun, comin roun a-takin ma corn breah!" Translation: "Why you do that Craig? You've been coming around, coming around, taking my corn bread." Meaning: No meaning.

3. Silly behaviour with the public. To be honest, the public is crazy and intrinsically stupid, but that is for another post. Lifeguards will often play word games, like using "shark" or "sharklike' words while speaking to people on the beach. Or other words like, "grasshopper," "nincompoop," "obi-wan" or "shaloa."

4. Misusing equiptment: Lifegurds just go crazy. I know some who have burt down their lifguard sheds during the night for fun and blamed in on local hoodlums.

5. Radio abuse: Lifguards have rescue radios they use to communicate. These often take the brunt of a Lifeguard's sickness. The events demonstrative of symptoms 1-4 most often include a rescue radio.

6. Absenteeism: Some lifeguards just tend to take 5 hour lunch breaks.

So there you go. There are of course more. Bet you didn't know the perils of being an attractive, sun tanned and well trained profession Beach inspector/Lifeguard.


A-FAT-A to you all.